Lah-Dee-Dah: Lavender Vanilla Whipped Mascarpone Cream

Sometimes I want to feel like a fancy lady, living a fancy life with fancy accoutrements and a fancy penchant for using words like "accoutrements" and "penchant," which I fancily pronounce "ah-coo-trrrrruh-mahhhh" and "pawwwn-shawwwn," respectively.These are momentary lapses in an otherwise average daily life. But, when I get that itch, I scratch it. It was during just such an itch that I made this surprisingly lah-dee-dah-tasting lavender vanilla whipped mascarpone cream dessert thingie.It is yummy and fancy and easy to make and I wish I had some right now, but I already ate it. It goes great with drinking tea and watching British period pieces. If you'd like to try it, here's how:

Ingredients

• 0.25 cup(s), mascarpone cheese
• 1 Tbsp, heavy whipping cream
• 1 tsp, xylitol (or sugar-free sweetener of your choosing. I used xylitol because I accidentally ordered a huge bag of it because I don't understand math.)
• 1 tsp(s), dried, ground lavender flowers (I used the flowers of from three stems.)
• 1 tsp (4g), sugar-free vanilla extract

Instructions

1. Remove lavender flowers from their stems
2. Grind lavender with a mortar and pestle, coffee grinder (I used this one), or food processor
3. Combine all ingredients in a bowl
4. Beat ingredients with a whisk just until firm peaks form (be careful not to over do it!)
5. Plate and sprinkle with additional whole lavender flowers

Nutritional Info

• Calories: 308
• Fat: 30g
• Protein: 4g
• Fiber: 0g
• Carbohydrates: 5g

Notes

• This recipe makes a single serving because–who am I kidding–I am generally alone. But, you could easily double the measurements to serve two because you are a better person than I am and hang out with other people from time to time. Good job.
• The drier your lavender the more potent it will be. I was pretty generous with it because I'd just bought the lavender fresh over the weekend. Add lavender slowly to your taste.

If you attempt this recipe, please let me know how it turns out! I'm very much still learning to cook and could certainly use any tips, pointers, feedback you'd care to share.

Cold Day, Warm Bones

I really wanted to center this post around my powerful dislike of Henry David Thoreau and how the only contribution he ever made to American society or literature is the suggestion to suck the marrow out of things. But, you know what? Fuck that guy.Instead, let's just talk about bone marrow and how it's yummy and you should totally be eating it.Yesterday was overcast, breezy, and cold–pretty standard for San Francisco in late May. I was hungry and craving something warm and comforting, but, most of all, quick, so I could minimize time spent out of bed. Bone marrow to the rescue.

Ingredients

• 2 reasonably sized marrow bones sliced down the center
• .5 cups of arugula
• 1 tsp of pumpkin seeds
• 1 tsp chopped fresh parsley
• salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

1. Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.
2. Season bones with salt and pepper.
3. Place the bones, bone side down, in a baking dish or a foil-lined baking sheet
4. Cook for 15 minutes, but check in on your bones in those later minutes. You do NOT want the marrow to liquify completely and ooze out of the bones. If you hear a sizzle from run-off juices, it's probably time to remove the bones from heat.
5. Remove the bones from heat.
6. While the bones are cooling (down from "burn your face" to "I can eat this"), lightly toss arugula with pumpkin seeds, creating a little bed of greens upon which to rest your weary bones. (I'm sorry. Have I mentioned the brain injury?)
7. Place bones atop greens and sprinkle with parsley. 
8. Eat immediately while the marrow is still hot.

The tiny arugula salad isn't a necessity, but I like it for catching any marrow drippings. Once I'm through with the bones, a quick stir and the little salad is nicely dressed in goddamn delicious bone marrow.

Nutritional Information

• Calories: 374 –– based off roughly 5 ounces of roasted marrow
• Carbs: 0g
• Fat: 32g
• Protein: 1g –– from the pumpkin seeds!
• Fiber: 0g

A Few Tips

• If you're super hardcore about tracking calories or macros, remember to remove the weight of the bones from your calculations. While not entirely accurate, I just weigh the bones before and after eating.
• Not sure where to get marrow bones? I went to my local grocery store and asked the butcher for them. They're typically NOT on display, but butchers seem fine with heading back to the freezer to grab some.
• If possible, ask your butcher to slice the bones down the middle to make for easy eating. If you're feeling lucky, you could even ask them to trim away any excess bone. Don't pay for what you can't eat.
• Shop around. The first store I tried charged $6/lb for marrow bones, but they were mostly bone and not that great. The second store charged $7.50/lb but the bones were already trimmed and the marrow was plentiful.

If you end up trying this, let me know how it goes! It's my new favorite snack!

You Don't Win Friends With Salad

I've learned many of life's greatest lessons from The Simpsons, and chief among them is this: You don't win friends with salad. It's a timeless truism with a catchy beat you can dance to:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6Kj17oVHAkFor me, these were words to live by for the better part of two decades. But, things change. To paraphrase a different Homer: yet, taught by time, my heart has learned that maybe salads aren't the worst. "Eating keto" has challenged many of my assumptions about food and its effects on my mind and body. So much so, in fact, that I find myself asking: Do I really need friends anyway?Meh.Here's a salad I made this weekend with stuff I found at the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market:

Ingredients:

• 1 Oz of crumbled Point Reyes Bay Blue cheese
• 2 tsp of olive oil
• 2 tsp of pumpkin seeds
• .25 cup dandelion greens
• .25 cup bloomsdale spinach
• .50 cup sweet mixed greens
• 1 Tbsp borage blossoms
• 1 Tbsp arugula blossoms
• 1 pinch of sea salt

Instructions:

1. Remove blossoms from borage and arugula stems. Since I was eating everything raw, I saved the borage stems and leaves (covered in very fine bristles) for later use in a tea.
2. Thoroughly wash and dry all greens, including blossoms. Like a weirdo, I washed each ingredient separately using the steel version of this salad spinner.
3. Toss greens with olive oil and a pinch of sea salt in a large bowl.
4. Sprinkle salad with crumbled blue cheese and pumpkin seeds before serving.
5. You can also add a drizzle of balsamic vinegar if you're so inclined, but it's typically too sugary for keto and, personally, I wanted to taste all the individual ingredients. (Also, I couldn't stop at four steps because four is the worst number.)

Nutritional information:

• Calories 266
• Total Fat 23g
  • Saturated Fat 9g
  • Monounsaturated Fat 7g
  • Polyunsaturated Fat 1g
  • Trans Fat 0g
• Total Carbohydrate 7g
  • Dietary Fiber 2 g
  • Sugars 0 g
• Protein 16 g

Super tasty, super fatty, reasonably low carb, but the big draw for me was the opportunity to eat flowers – borage and arugula blossoms. There's gotta be some sort of "if I eat them, I become them" thing where, if I eat pretty things, I become a pretty thing, right? I'm fairly certain this is how science works.But also, I was told by the seller that borage is rich in omega-3s and amino acids. They had a sign and everything:And, who am I to question a sign? (Aside: I may do a little research. Be on the lookout for an upcoming series of food-related posts called "The Fuck Is This?")The most expensive part of this meal was the cheese at $7 for roughly five ounces. I spent $6.50 on the greens, and they should provide at least another three salads and a half-dozen teas.Bonus! No friends means no sharing which means more food for me. Win, win, win.